Filed under: gift guides | Tags: Anusha, Arizona Dream, barbecue, Barbossa, camera, Cameron, computer, Danny Boyle, Deep Roy, Geoffrey Rush, gift card, gifts, ipod screen, Johnny Depp, Mary-Sue, Mika, movie tickets, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pointy Chin Club, road trip, Sean Connery, Shakespearean troupe, Shel Silverstein, sunglasses, tripod
Since I take the time to construct a list of things I would get people if I weren’t lazy/broke, I thought I might as well returrrn the favor. Damn it, Barbossa. Get back where you came from.
Wait. Take me with you! I long to be a Mary-Sue.
Although most of my gift guides are in jest, this one is full of the things I really want. Okay, with a few jests. But since my birthday party has come and gone (more on that later), I’ve gotten all the presents I’m likely to get this year. A gift card and two movie tickets. How creative we are these days. Hush, it’s the thought that counts, right? Well maybe I should get richer friends. Just kidding. Although that is the spirit of these gift guides.
No pictures this time because I have a stone-age computer.
1. camera. A good one, that I can mess around with. Photography, not video.
2. tripod. So that my video camera can be propped up without the use of a mountain of books.
3. a new ipod screen, because I sat on mine and the internal screen broke. 
I see only static. I can’t even maneuver it to be visible anymore.
4. a road trip. If only we could all drop everything and cross the country in a hippie bus. Fine, even an ugly modern RV would be fine. Probably more comfortable too.
5. A Shakespearean troupe. What? Twelve actors, at my disposal and completely dedicated to my project? White actors to appeal to the masses? Because all I’ve ever worked with are Asian teenagers. Not appealing at all.
6. Arizona Dream. I bow to you, whoever gets me this.
7. My barbecue. This would be even greater than “Arizona Dream”. Oh, to have Johnny Depp, MIKA, Geoffrey Rush, Anusha, Danny Boyle, Deep Roy, Shel Silverstein, and Sean Connery, among others, gathered in my backyard gnawing on ribs. And to have the Pointy Chin Club watching from their glass display cases. Cameron, no using your chin to cut a hole into the glass. I don’t care if you can’t breath in there! Eat your chin!
8. A new computer. This one might actually come true. And I canst wait.
How great it is to finally have Johnny Depp sunglasses off this list.
The next gift guide that I am aware of is Amanda’s, in November. Hang in there. Although a back-to-school one sounds good too.
Filed under: gift guides | Tags: arabesque, auction, birthday, blood, connecticut, crazy cat lady game, crocheted leaflet tights, dance class, Danny Boyle, Disney, Edward Scissorhands, fangirl, Gale, gift guide, gifts, gloves, grandpa hairtuft, hairy legs, interviews, Jerry Bruckheimer, Johnny Depp, Lone Ranger, lonely, michael jackson, Miya, mono, oprah, props, road trip, shang, STAR testing, stealthygrapes, sweat, Tonto, trailer, twitter, Youtube
I originally wanted to attack everyone with pictures of Danny Boyle, whom I have taken up drawing on every surface I see. I don’t think that was gramatically correct, nor ecumenically, nor spiritually, but I just woke up from a nap that went too long and began too late. I will, however, watch numerous interviews of Danny Boyle on Youtube, something I have never done before. Huzzah.
Miya. The Gale to my Oprah, the Tonto to my Lone Ranger. Scratch that, I’d rather be Tonto, as Johnny Depp is portraying him in a 2010/2011 movie headed by Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer. Now that I’ve told you, I expect you to not run up to your local Johnny Depp fangirl – who will have to do in place of me, I guess, although I am not a fangirl - one month before “The Lone Ranger” comes out, and tell them that you can’t wait for that new Johnny Depp movie. They will shun you for being an ignorant poop.
Back to the subject at hand. Miya’s birthday was two days ago, and I gave her the gift of joining twitter with her. Oh look! A perfect chance to self-promote! Mein twitter is @stealthygrapes. Huzzah.
But here are gifts that I would give her if I were rich and not lethargic.
1. Crazy Cat Lady Game; so that she can practice for the lonely thirty years spent waiting for me in the trailer.
fredflare, $22
2. Crocheted Leaflet Tights; so that her legs always look hairy.
fredflare, $12
3. Arabesque; so she can always be reminded of what we couldn’t achieve in dance class.
rock 'n rose jewellery, 10 pounds
4. Mono; for staring contests and incentive to buy the whole bio gang. Also, because Mono needs her Grandpa Hairtuft. And her uncle, Michael Jackson. And her other uncle, Shang. Do you remember our original road trip plans? To drive to Connecticut and steal the whole lot…
giant microbes, $7.95
5. Edward Scissorhand Gloves; so she can’t.
Michael Jackson auction, $4000-6000
Those are the real gloves from the movie that, by now, have been mentioned too many times. And there’s probably dried up Johnny Depp hand sweat on them…and blood, because he cut himself so many times. I’m only mentioning this because I know there are fangirls who like that stuff…
Happy belated birthday Ayim.
I’ll be back with another post perhapsedly tomorrow, because we have STAR testing and thus early dismissal. In the meantime, my fears have come true and I can’t stop twittering. Follow me if you’re already in the trap, but if you’re not – stay out and keep your life.
Filed under: gift guides | Tags: Chiranjeevi, collector's set, evite, fredflare, free spirit, from abba to zoom, gift cards, gift guide, hair, hitler: the commander, India, James bond, love, madonna, movie, organic bike tote, pop culture, Rainbow Brite, scandalous, Sushi, sweet sixteen, t-shirt, The Soup, who's that girl
In honor of receiving Mr. and Mrs. R.’s evite to their daughter Sushi’s Sweet Sixteen at the Rupee Room, here is the list of presents I would give Sushi if I were rich. As it is, she will be receiving a tastefully chosen book from Borders bought with part of the $50 worth of gift cards my friends all decided to give me at Christmas. Karma is a chienne.
1. Organic Bike Tote. An organic tote bag, with a bike on it. Also, the words “free spirit”, which describe Sushi perfectly. All her loves in one present, huzzah!
fredflare, $24
2. Madonna Who’s That Girl tee. Didn’t we say that Sushi has curls like Madonna’s? And couldn’t Sushi be Madonna, with her “innocence”? And isn’t “Who’s That Girl” synonymous to “Who’s that on the street?”
fredflare, on sale: $19.99
3. James Bond Limited Edition Ultimate Collector’s Set. So that Sushi can wallow over what she lost, rather, threw away, and hopefully realize that she should get him back. And maybe, if he returns, he’ll realize that it’s not a box of love letters from Chiranjeevi, but a shrine to him. And they’ll get back together.
amazon uk, 399.99 pounds
4. “Hitler: The Commander”. What could be better than seeing her former love Chiranjeevi portray her even formerer love in a great movie from her homeland?
amazon, $71.43
5. From Abba to Zoom: A Pop Culture Encyclopedia of the Late 20th Century . Because god knows she needs it.
amazon, $12.89
If you didn’t get anything I just said, it’s okay. Just enjoy the pretty pictures.
Thanks for the evite, Mr. and Mrs. R. I’m abbreviating your names because I know you wouldn’t appreciate me putting your identity online, and because I know my readers wouldn’t appreciate trying to pronounce it.
Sushi thinks those pictures are not online…teehee.
Although, your evite had this huge gaping hole in the middle and I stared at it for fifteen minutes waiting for a picture to load. Also, where the heck is the Rupee Room? Sounds like there’s a mystical journey awaiting me. I’d better take some star sprinkles.
Ride Starlight, ride!
