Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: 80's, acting, Arizona Dream, army, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride, costars, cougar, directing, dress, Ed Wood, fanfiction, fangirl, Francis Ford Coppola, Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp, Lori-Anne Allison, Numb3rs, Pirates of the Caribbean, Private Resort, Rob Morrow, scandalous, shopping, shun, sushmita, Tetro, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, The Jolly Roger, ticket sales, Tu, Vajoliroja, Vincent Gallo, weight, yacht
I went shopping with my mom today and bought a dress. Ah, mundane details. Although, this is the second dress I’ve bought since I was six that was not for a violin recital.
Dresses are so freeing, and there is so much irony in that statement.
I’m working on Sushmita chapter nine. There’s a sentence that hasn’t been heard in a while. Is it sad that I actually have to consult the PotC 1 script to write this thing now, whereas only five months ago I could have written the script off the top of my head? Yes, but I have to get past PotC!!!
It doesn’t look good, for one thing, when you tell someone you want to be director, and you say, “Yes, my favorite movie is Pirates of the Caribbean,” because they immediately take you for a fangirl.
For one, I am not a fangirl…I just happen to know that Johnny Depp weighs 150 lbs and currently lives aboard his yacht, the Vajoliroja, which is a play off of “The Jolly Roger” and is composed of the first two letters of his family member’s names. Not impressed? He was also married to Lori-Anne Allison in the 80’s for three years, and she was older than him. I smell a cougar. Hopefully she was nothing like Joyce.
“…Hiiii Miiiiyaaaaa….”
I’ll stop now because I feel like I’m exploiting him, and if he ever read this he’d bite my nose off. Or ignore me for the rest of my life, something that, while it will probably happen, I hope it will never occur. I apologize, Johnny Depp; you were wonderful in “Ed Wood”. That’s one of the few movies where I’ve had to remind myself that I was watching Johnny Depp.
What now, what now. “Numb3rs” was on last night 
but every time I see uglycooldude I remember the beach montage from “Private Resort”. Oh, Rob Morrow. You will never live down the one movie you did with Johnny Depp when you were both unknown, and also the fact that you named your daughter Tu. Say it. Out loud. “You’re impossibly fast.” No, it’s more like “If you seek Amy.”
Speaking of old Johnny Depp costars who somewhat disappeared, “Tetro” is Francis Ford Coppola’s newest film, and his most personal. And guess who it stars? “Breast, Axel. Big beautiful breasts”. Yes, Vincent Gallo, how did you guess? “Arizona Dream”, why dost thou inspire me so? Johnny Depp himself wasn’t that great in it. Scandalous statement, I know, but there were a lot of Johnny Depp habits in it. Like how when his character gets angry he does a lot of swooping hand gestures and head tilting.
Sorry if I ruined every film he’s ever done for you except “Ed Wood”, CatCF, and PotC. And “Corpse Bride”, but that wasn’t physically him.
Although, he once said that if there isn’t a part of you in a role then you’re lying, not acting. So maybe I’ll forgive him, because it’s not like many people are better.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to “Tetro”, because oh goodness it’s Vincent Gallo, and it’s also the first Francis Ford Coppola movie I will see. Scandalous, coming from a wannabe director. Please don’t shun me.
Also, when they analyze the bound-to-be hugemongous ticket sales for TIoDP, they’d better not think that we’re all there to see Heath Ledger, and forget Johnny Depp’s loyal slightly massive army of fangirls.
Filed under: gift guides | Tags: arabesque, auction, birthday, blood, connecticut, crazy cat lady game, crocheted leaflet tights, dance class, Danny Boyle, Disney, Edward Scissorhands, fangirl, Gale, gift guide, gifts, gloves, grandpa hairtuft, hairy legs, interviews, Jerry Bruckheimer, Johnny Depp, Lone Ranger, lonely, michael jackson, Miya, mono, oprah, props, road trip, shang, STAR testing, stealthygrapes, sweat, Tonto, trailer, twitter, Youtube
I originally wanted to attack everyone with pictures of Danny Boyle, whom I have taken up drawing on every surface I see. I don’t think that was gramatically correct, nor ecumenically, nor spiritually, but I just woke up from a nap that went too long and began too late. I will, however, watch numerous interviews of Danny Boyle on Youtube, something I have never done before. Huzzah.
Miya. The Gale to my Oprah, the Tonto to my Lone Ranger. Scratch that, I’d rather be Tonto, as Johnny Depp is portraying him in a 2010/2011 movie headed by Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer. Now that I’ve told you, I expect you to not run up to your local Johnny Depp fangirl – who will have to do in place of me, I guess, although I am not a fangirl - one month before “The Lone Ranger” comes out, and tell them that you can’t wait for that new Johnny Depp movie. They will shun you for being an ignorant poop.
Back to the subject at hand. Miya’s birthday was two days ago, and I gave her the gift of joining twitter with her. Oh look! A perfect chance to self-promote! Mein twitter is @stealthygrapes. Huzzah.
But here are gifts that I would give her if I were rich and not lethargic.
1. Crazy Cat Lady Game; so that she can practice for the lonely thirty years spent waiting for me in the trailer.
fredflare, $22
2. Crocheted Leaflet Tights; so that her legs always look hairy.
fredflare, $12
3. Arabesque; so she can always be reminded of what we couldn’t achieve in dance class.
rock 'n rose jewellery, 10 pounds
4. Mono; for staring contests and incentive to buy the whole bio gang. Also, because Mono needs her Grandpa Hairtuft. And her uncle, Michael Jackson. And her other uncle, Shang. Do you remember our original road trip plans? To drive to Connecticut and steal the whole lot…
giant microbes, $7.95
5. Edward Scissorhand Gloves; so she can’t.
Michael Jackson auction, $4000-6000
Those are the real gloves from the movie that, by now, have been mentioned too many times. And there’s probably dried up Johnny Depp hand sweat on them…and blood, because he cut himself so many times. I’m only mentioning this because I know there are fangirls who like that stuff…
Happy belated birthday Ayim.
I’ll be back with another post perhapsedly tomorrow, because we have STAR testing and thus early dismissal. In the meantime, my fears have come true and I can’t stop twittering. Follow me if you’re already in the trap, but if you’re not – stay out and keep your life.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: fangirl, Johnny Depp, Larry, pictures, The Rum Diaries, Youtube
Is it a sign of progress when I get five bajillion subscription updates from the girl-who-always-has-the-best-johnny-depp-stuff-first, and I don’t bother to look at them for a week? No air squeezing through the windpipe, abdominal seizure…
I click on them just to get them off the “subscription updates” page.
And I barely look at them, thinking, “they’re all the same”.
When before I would have analyzed each to every little detail, over the different angles of his smile (okay, that’s creepy…) and laughed at how Jerry was Jerry-like and stealthy.
I still laugh at Jerry, but six shots of him where he moves a finger a frame is not that exciting anymore.
Maybe it never was?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: AP Human, blog, chemistry, deepness, dreams, failure, fangirl, fanvideos, Johnny Depp, life, math, movies, movivation, obsession, phases, procrastinating, Thursday, wishing
I dislike Thursdays for one major reason: it is stealthy.
By the time Thursday rolls around, you think you’re done, relief has finally come your way. There’s always that little “ping!” that reminds you that there’s another stupid day around the bend. Just around the river bend. And that yes, you do have to do homework; there is no guilt-free procrastinating about today.
Another day of math and such.
What is it about math and chem that makes me unable to keep my eyelids open? Is it the high wavering voice of Ms. Breik that lulls me to sleep? Or is it the glare of the smartboard?
Something smells like death in my house. Or rotten bananas, but death sounds so much more dramatic.
My life goes through phases now,
1. extreme motivation – I write a lot, get a lot of ideas
2. materialistic wishing – I online window shop.
3. one day – I dream about stuff like sailing in Maine, having my own cubicle.
4. deepness – What its name implies. I get nostalgic, discouraged, and unmotivated. Also, my friends suck more during this phase.
At the moment, I’m at materialistic wishing.
And is it bad that I’m reading the blog of someone I know and I feel outfanned by her? Meaning I must prove my former obsessiveness. But I’m lazy, and have a lot of homework. Doesn’t mean I’m doing it though. Also, Johnny Depp fansites have sort of died lately. I think it’s because 2008 was a stealthy year for him. But 2009 onwards is most probably huzzah. Huzzah.
Yeah, my obsessing failed. It’s nice though, not to check on every single poll to see if he’s winning. There’s less resentment in my life, less competitiveness over things that, in the long run, probably hurt more than help.
I always start my week sure that I will finish early every day. Then Thursday rolls around and it is a failure.
Like today, like now, when I’ve finally realized I’ve got 3 key concepts in Human to read.
And now, I am nostalgically watching fanvideos. Figures.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: clips, fangirl, Geoffrey Rush, Johnny Depp, Oscars, Public Enemies, Sean Connery, tommy-gun
Granted, it wasn’t the trailer, but oh my freaking gosh.
Slap me thrice and hand me to me momma, it’s a “Public Enemies” clip!
When Hugh Jackman told us to hold tight and watch after the awards show for upcoming movies in 2009, I could hardly breathe. I watched as clips of “Funny People” and other possibly good but unimportant movies played one after the other. I told my sister, “probably not but I can hope.”
Then, quick as a flash, Johnny Depp on a car with a huge tommy gun, rounds blasting and lajawlcjawkcjwakaw.
AHHHHHHHH.
Fangirl moment over. For “Public Enemies”, because Sean Connery was there, bald and freakishly awesome, laughing.
In the Best Supporting Actors montage there were clips of Geoffrey Rush and Sean Connery (talking!!! A lot of “shhhhh”s.) Sadly they did not use him as one of the presenters, during which I could have heard him shpeak for two minutsh.
Also, the first picture of Johnny Depp in “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” is out. Huzzah!!!
Note to “Public Enemies” people. Trailer. Now. Please?
Filed under: sweet dreams are made of this | Tags: 2000's, birthday party, blog, boring, crafts, design blogs, dreams, fangirl, garden party, girl, hideous floral armchair, Johnny Depp, lace curtains, Lily Allen, Lincoln, Mika, modern, negativity, redecorate, squeal, Whitney, wood
The night before last night, I dreamed about this guy.
Hence the ambiguous musings from my former post.
But! I now realize that what was more important in said dream, what my subconcious, and maybe God, if you believe in him, was trying to tell me, was that – well, they were taunting me with a cool stand that sold the prettiest jewelry and other miscellaneous things ever. I am sad.
Last night, there were more capitalist messages in my dreams. I was in a toy store, and part of the plot was that I had to sail to save Captain Jack Sparrow. But why would I do that?
“Because he’s a lummox, isn’t he? Well we shall have a magnificent garden party and you’re not invited.”
I want a magnificent garden party. Heck, maybe I’ll make it part of my birthday party.
Moving on. A plushie of Wishbone was in my dream too, and I realized that the little stuffed dog I have in my trunk (in real life) is Wishbone’s son…yeah, I doubt it.
Falling asleep last night, I was afraid that my dreams would contain some of the horrors that have recently befallen me. That would have been terreeeebluh.
I came home from Tiffy’s birthday party, actually tired. I’m not one to be tired after a party, but Amanda and I were such party poopers…wow.
I hated myself yesterday. Everything I said sounded freakishly negative, and I realized that I always say negative things – it’s just that my friends have silent knowledge that we all exaggerate and are joking. But gosh! Is there anything I don’t criticize?
And don’t say Johnny Depp.
More negativity – I hate light-colored wood. It makes things seem cheap and sometimes trying really hard to be modern. No.
I hope no one looks back and says “Oh, I love furniture from the 2000’s.” I wouldn’t.
I’ve realized, however, that I want ugly lace curtains to compliment my hideous floral armchair.
Okay, okay. I feel like I’ve contributed nothing in this post. If I were reading it, I would die of boredom.
But what now?
Because Amanda and I decided last night that we have been detiorating into boringness recently. Nothing is happening. Personally, I’m just trying to churn out a finished script and hoping that I will become a successful director somehow. It’s kind of a distant worry, but it’s really my only worry.
It’s sad that my happiness depends on the amount of activity Johnny Depp and Mika have, but can you believe my luck: they both are holed away. No new movies from Johnny Depp for certain until July, and Mika…when is the next album coming out? I’ve run out of demos to listen to, so I’ve started listening to Lily Allen.
Huzzah! Mika posted on his blog. Huzzah huzzah huzzah.
I’ll be back soon with something to write about. Not from his blog, but I’ll find a topic.
Valentine’s Day is coming up soon – as evidenced by Miya’s every post being six degreed to it, but why would I, an anemone, post about that?
Lincoln’s birthday, too, is approaching. But why should I subject myself to such frightened suffering?
Browsing through various design blogs, I really really really want to redecorate my room. And make crafts. But I’m lazy and I go to WHS. The two go together like…well they just do.
Last thing: It’s difficult to catch up quickly with your old friends when you tell them you recently got rid of your Johnny Depp obsession and yet you keep six degreeing him for the rest of the day. And when you love Nanalan’ and Wonder Pets.
Just saying that you used to be obsessed with Johnny Depp makes one feel like a girl, a fangirl, and squealy.
All of which, besides the first, I am not.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Abraham Lincoln, american accent, Arizona Dream, art, At Worlds End, barbeque, beaver documentary, birthday, blueprints, cat puke, color, documentary, ellen, Erase, famous people, fangirl, Freddie Highmore, free stuff, game, interiro design, Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp, mating seagulls, Mika, Miley Cyrus, Nntesh, oprah, Orlando Bloom, paint, pretty rooms, purple, rapper, Rayban, redecorate, singer, Six Degrees, stealthy, sunglasses, ugly pictures, Wicked Witch of the West
I have no ugly pictures because I’ve recently fallen back in love with interior design. Confession: when I was in sixth grade I drew blueprints for fun. And I loved to imagine redecorating my room.
The problem was that we didn’t own our own house so I could never paint my walls. Never mind that, I didn’t know what color to paint my walls. In elementary, I was still just wandering around without a favorite movie (Arizona Dream), singer (Mika), or color (purpluh.). Now I kind of know who I am.
Instead, I have now a large collection of pretty rooms. And no awesome art to display today. Unfortunate.
I’ll now go scavenging for awesome stuff to blog about. Huzzah. It’s nice though, that this will no longer be just my life thrown up into a toilet bowl and served to the world.
PS. My sister changed the wallpaper to tiled pictures of Abraham Lincoln. And she warned me, but I desperately had to use the computer. DIEEEEEE. It was like the Wicked Witch of the West and water.
Fail. My scavenge was a disaster. Anyway, I’m trying to come up with cheap birthday ideas. Remember, I’m aiming for a six degrees of Grapes kind of thing. So that I can huzzah everywhere I turn. Huzzah. Silence, naysayers who bring up that my birthday is 8ish months away. It does take me this long, because if not, it will be a fail. Who knows, it might still be a fail.
Inspiration! listaddicts at blogspot posted about the famous people she would like to invite to a bbq. Huzzah? Yes.
1. Mika – can you imagine how crazy things would get? Also, Miya and I could wail “Erase” with him. Like in my dream.
2. Johnny Depp – because my ex-obsession still obligates me to include him in everything.
3. Orlando Bloom – so we can throw him in a corner, pointing and laughing. Or maybe, someone will mistake him for a steak and cook him, since he looks like a cow. That’s what he gets for freeing Jack from the fire the stupid way in my “At Worlds End” game. Agh, we shouldn’t be so hard on him. He’s not so bad – not like Miley Cyrus. Shun.
4. Nntesh – because he is best singer/rapper there is. And Angela and I could fangirl and get free merchandise.
5. Oprah/Ellen – because. Free stuff.
6. That guy from the bird documentary – Because he’s got the ability to recite documentary spiel while sitting next to two mating seagulls.
7. The cast of the beaver documentary – STEALTHY.
8. Freddie Highmore – so that we can finally get him an American accent. Although he and Johnny Depp might group together and shun the rest of us.
I went slightly overboard, but only having 3 people would be kind of a bummer party. Wow. I’m kind of picky.
But wait! This post isn’t over yet.
I know I’m kind of slow on a lot of things so this might be old to some of you.
Rayban glasses (Johnny Depp sunglasses in my book) now can be colored by yourself! They send you blank ones that you color in and huzzah omg. Regarde.
No more will there be dilemna between red (Mika) purple (because it is huzzah) or animal print (Johnny Depp). Knowing me, I will never get these, and two, if I did, I would screw them up.
Man: Hey Grapes, nice sunglasses.
Grapes: Thanks.
Man: Shame your indigestive cat got to them.
Poop. Next post: kids shows adults can enjoy. And no, it’s not sesame street with its references and “preschool musical”. Shun. Also, the unveiling of my newest favorite kids show, discovered this morning during a bout of severe laziness.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Demi Lovato, Disney Channel, fangirl, How Does She Know, inspiration
I had a panic attack during Demi Lovato’s cover of “That’s How You Know” because I couldn’t think of another song to turn to.
I’ve never heard her sing before because of my avoidance of most Disney Channel stars, but I don’t think I’ll be hearing anymore voluntarily.
It also ruined my newly struck inspiration.
Note to self: prepare for fangirl onslaught.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: comic, fangirl, Fat Girl Fail, father, God Bless America, hell hath no, hot topics, Indian, Johnny Depp, msn, NBC, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, rage, salary, To Catch a Predator, Tom Hanks, wedding, weight
Oh yesh. In a fit of rage, my father crumpled up the wedding comic and was about to rip it up. I, at this time, was “asleep”, so that I would not have to face said wrath like which hell hath no?
Oh yesh. I just referenced, and I know I got the quote wrong. It is a reference, not a quote. No fangirl mobs just yet. Wait, who’s that? Oh, it’s just my Indian neighbors having a party and the NBC people from ”To Catch a Predator”. Please don’t take me seriously. Also, allow me to say, PotC 4 is on the “Hot Topics” list on MSN. Yes, I delight(ed) in such things. I’m going through fangirl spasms right now. Gah. I thought I had left this behind when I tore down my posters and left behind August because it was the last time Jack Sparrow appeared on my calendar. (They’ve been conspiring – there’s another PotC calendar out…) I was just going to say that I wish to play a deformed pirate in PotC 4. Please…..haha I loved the casting call for PotC 3. It was so politically incorrect.
By the way, the final digit of Johnny Depp’s salary for PotC 4 is $59.2 mill. Pas de $58.4 mill. It’s the largest up-front payout for any actor. As a mean fangirl would say: “Eat that, Tom Hanks.” Actually…don’t eat…maybe. Because heaven knows no one can ever lose enough weight as an actor. I almost weigh as much as Johnny Depp does, and I don’t think it’s because I’m fat. Well, maybe just a little bit. Why are we talking about fat? Well, I’ll just throw in a shameless plug for “Fat Girl Fail” and get out of this rut.
So my family saved it, and only because I had shown it to them earlier. Huzzah. Now it remains intact. Crumpled, but intact. God blesh America.
