Filed under: Happiness is a Warm Gun, Uncategorized | Tags: Across the Universe, architecture, backyards, Baz Luhrmann, candles, Charlotte Gainsbourg, coral, directors, First Five California, French, Grace Kelly, happiness, hedges, History Detectives, Ils Se Marierent et Eurent Beaucoup d'Enfants, Jane Birkin, jingle, Johnny Depp, Laguna Beach, mattress, Mika, mini DV camera, Moulin Rouge, My Best Friend, Otis Taylor, PBS, Prete-moi Ta Main, Public Enemies, purple, romantic comedies, Russian eggs, Serge Gainsbourg, soda, Ten Million Slaves, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, The Valet, We Are Golden
This week has slowly slid into the mundane, but I refuse to let myself go back to eighth grade. Eighth grade competes with fifth grade for the worst years of my life. Here’s the happiness post, reliably on Monday even though they’re supposed to appear on Sundays.
1. French romantic comedies. Yesterday I watched “Prete-moi ta main”, which literally means lend me your hand, but they translated it to “I Do”, or “Faux Wedding”. It’s about a man who grows up in a family of all women, and eventually they grow tired of doing his laundry, etc, and try to get him married. He gets sick of their nagging, obviously, and hires his friend’s sister to pretend to be his fiance and then stand him up at the wedding. It gets a lot more complicated than that, of course. These light-hearted French movies always cheer me up. Others that I’ve seen and can remember the names are “The Valet” and “My Best Friend”. Darn, can’t remember the names of others.
2. Charlotte Gainsbourg. This ties in with the above, but indulge me. She plays the “fiance”. I’ve only seen her in this and a few clips of Johnny Depp’s cameo in “Ils Se Marierent et Eurent Beaucoup d’Enfants”. I do know though that she’s the daughter of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin, and a singer as well as an actress. With my limited familiarity, everything I say here applies to her character in “Prete-moi Ta Main”. I have no idea if she’s like her. Anyway, she gave off this air of elegance and self-confidence, even if she peed with the door open, among other things. I liked how her real character was in the middle of the perfect and the fiance from hell. In one word, I’d describe her as a juxtaposition. It didn’t hurt that she was tall and thin. Definitely boosted her up in my mom’s opinion. I’ve just realized that this sounds like a girl crush. Whell.
2. My mom’s new mattress. It’s memory foam and it’s soft as a cloud. White as a cloud too. It just smells like chemicals, because she’s just bought it. But sensory adaptation kicks in (gahh psych 101) and you forget it’s even there. I always fall right asleep on her bed, except for last night because new developments had occurred with the stop-motion, and not good ones.
3. “We are Golden”. My, this is a very pop culture driven week, isn’t it? MIKA’s new single came out a few weeks ago, but his video premiered last Friday and I forgot about it until yesterday. So much for staying ahead of the crowd. You won’t find the correct version on Youtube, so if you want to see it look around www.mikasounds.com. If you’ve never seen MIKA before, I’d recommend first watching “Grace Kelly” on youtube to ease into his style. The “We Are Golden” video freaked even me out a little. But it’s all good. 
4. Backyards. I may be moving into an apartment for a few months because it turns out my little sister is severely allergic to dust mites, something supremely unlacking in this house. I’m really going to miss my own little patch of green. I lived in an apartment until I was almost seven, and yes, I can still remember it. But I’ve grown accustomed to having some semblance of privacy, maybe taking it for granted. I keep reminding myself that every experience is something to log into my memory for filmmaking/writing reference If I have a nice safe life well then there’d be nothing to write about, right?
5. Coral. It’s my new favorite color. Sorry, purple.
6. Russian eggs. They are so delicate and intricate. I got a necklace this week that had a “Russian egg” on it. Definitely won me over.
7. Mini DV cameras. It’s true, they’ve brought filmmaking to the living room. If it weren’t for my camera I’d have to wait until I was 20-something to start my career. Even if nothing comes of what I’m doing now I’m still learning something.
8. My soda from Taco Bell. It’s emanating coldness and freezing everything within a five inch radius. I’m not kidding.
9. PBS. I watched their celebration of the 50’s music and History Detectives. It didn’t hurt that they used a bit of what sounded like Otis Taylor’s “Ten Million Slaves” in the background. Which is the song they used in a lot of “Public Enemies”. What can I say, history enthralls me.
10. Hedges. I like how square they are and how they make you think of mazes.
11. The First Five jingle on the radio. It’s dorky but pleasing on the ears. “There’s so much I need to knooooowwww. The more I learn the more I groooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwww. Teach me, show me, hold me, and give me loooovvvve.”
12. Inventive directors. I finally watched “Moulin Rouge”, and like “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” and “Across the Universe” I like how Baz Luhrmann didn’t just tell the story but they incorporated symbolism, colors, and angles to make a beautiful-to-look-at film. Miya will be pleased to hear that I liked the movie. It’s her favorite. Speaking of favorites, a viewing of “Arizona Dream” is long overdue.
13. Laguna Beach. I love all the artsy galleries and stores. It’s the beach that never sleeps, I think. And then there are hidden little beaches next to beautiful coves and behind immaculate hotels. I love the juxtapositions of beach houses next to Tudor houses next to a Mr. Darcy-in-2005’s-”Pride and Prejudice”’s house. It’s a photographer’s dream. I see people with easels painting the ocean, and people with dogs, old ladies reading under a rotunda. I see old people having a picnic at these cute four-person tables and they’ve brought their own tablecloth, centerpiece, and candles. That’s paradise.
14. Candles. I’m trying to get a candlelit dinner for my birthday in my backyard. I can’t wait!
I could go on but this post is already ridiculously long. When are my posts not?
Filed under: Happiness is a Warm Gun, Uncategorized | Tags: 80's, breakfast burritos, Finding Neverland, frilly, green tea, happiness, happy, J.M. Barrie, Johnny Depp, lace, makeup bag, Michael Llewellyn-Davies, mochi ice cream, mosquito, Porthos, smoothie, tweezers, vintage
Happy happy happy day. I may soon have to move happiness of the week posts to Monday, but I won’t. Even if I do keep posting them on Mondays.
1. My mom’s makeup bag. It’s frilly, it’s lacy, it’s black, white, and blue. Logically, it’s hideous. But to me it’s beautiful. I told her yesterday, and she told me that she was thinking about getting rid of it. I asked, “When did you get it? Like in the 80’s?” Yes. YESSS. So I (stupidly) said, “It’s vintage.” And now she loves it as well and I will have to wait more years to inherit this floppy thing.
2. Michael & Porthos. Alright, I’m guilty of watching “Finding Neverland” again last night. That movie never fails to make me temporarily relapse into obsession. That said, Michael, the smallest Llewellyn-Davies boy in the movie, is so cute. “Is he in trouble? Because I’ve been alone with grandmother and I know what it’s like.” What a cute little boy.
J.M. Barrie’s dog, Porthos is cute too. A big fluffy mass of gray and white. I love the bloopers where he poops. It’s a lot less crude than it sounds, but still hilarious. Whatever, in the actual movie he’s adorable too.
3. Breakfast burritos. They are delicious in a stupid way. Meaning you should just enjoy its eggy, sausagey, cheesy, peppery goodness. It’s comfort food, not a gourmet dish.
4. Tweezers. Because armed with a pointy thing you can squish between your fingers, you can pluck anything. Plucking is fun except when it’s done on a violin.
5. Green tea. I haven’t had actual green tea in a while, but artificial green tea flavoring’s good too even if tastes nothing like real green tea. Green tea mochi ice cream, green tea smoothie. Guh, it is all so delicious.
6. The dead mosquito on my windowsill. It’s gruesome but beautiful, especially in the early morning because of the sunlight.
That should have cheered you up. Have a great week!
Filed under: Happiness is a Warm Gun | Tags: Audrey Hepburn, Bear in the Big Blue House, Benjamin Franklin, Big Bang Theory, book, Bryan Burroughs, Christian, Colm Wilkinson, concert, convention, cookies and cream, creative, disguise, Drink With Me, Enjolras, Evita, flowers, gift, girl, God, Grantaire, happiness, High Flying Adored, ice cream, Johnny Depp, lego, les miserables, long hair, love, midnight, murder, musicals, On the Road, pack-rat, passion, pee, pen, plastic, profound, Public Enemies, reenactment, robbery, scooter, short hair, shoulder-lenght, silly, soap opera, split ends, style, Sweeney Todd, vanilla, words, wrapping
Good morning for most of you. Enjoy your breakfast, or enjoy it as it digests. This week’s happiness was a lot calmer, and I really had to dig to find some of them because they were so subtle. But here they are.
1. One-man musical reenactments. You can’t help but feel ridiculous, but that’s where the excitement comes from. It’s more fun with an audience. I recommend “Drink With Me” from “Les Miserables”. There’s a great moment between Enjolras and Grantaire in the Concert version – watch that on Youtube first – and another great moment where the women echo the men. “Sweeney Todd” is also great because of the rage. “High Flying Adored” from “Evita” always makes me giggle, mostly because I’ve only seen Colm Wilkinson’s rendition of it and it is creepy.
2. Long hair, how I’ve missed thee. Actually not so much. I’ve been enjoying my short hair, but I’d like to have long hair again by September. And not average shoulder-length hair either. I want it halfway down my back, although I doubt it will happen because I always get split ends.
3. Silly disguise glasses. The kind that comes with a stinky plastic nose.
4. Audrey Hepburn. She says the cutest, yet most profound things. Her words are always inspiring and yet they make you feel like such a girl. At the same time, I am just now appreciating her style – but I think I will remain just an appreciator.
5. Flowers. My dad was lecturing this week and it was longwinded as always. I looked out the car window so I could roll my eyes and not incur another lecture, but instead I saw row upon row of little white flowers swaying in the wind. And everything brightened up again.
6. God. Yes, I did go to a Christian convention this week (which also made me happy), and I don’t want to sound too preachy on here, but more than ever I know that he loves me more than I could ever imagine. Like when you say “I love you this much” but times a bajimizillion. And the thing is, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done or whether or not you conform to what most Christians say is right. He loves unconditionally.
7. “Bear in the Big Blue House”. I’ll never forget that episode where Scooter? the blue mouse had to go pee really badly but he wouldn’t because he thought Bear would cheat in the chess game. Reminded me of how earlier this week my sister had to go badly, held it for several hours, and in the end didn’t make it out of the car.
8. LEGO soap operas. I don’t play with LEGOs like a normal person – building impressive structures and figures. I make a blueprint-style house and I play in it, in the same way little girls play with Barbies. I still do this. Currently, there is a cast of six men. They share one thing in common: their obsession with LaQuisha Jones, the Women’s Wrestling League Champion. Of course this is all fiction. My sisters have told me it is akin to “The Big Bang Theory”, except that instead of nerds they are a mix of disabilities and love for food. For some reason, wittier lines come out during LEGO soap opera time than when I’m sitting at my computer trying to write a screenplay.
9. Public Enemies by Bryan Burroughs. The book is very readable. I’ve enjoyed it a lot, and while sometimes it’s difficult to keep track of everything it’s really changed my perspective on the world. Whenever I see something on the news about a robbery or a murder – I don’t know what it is, but something is different. I put down On the Road for this. Not that that’s the entire reason, but still, I did weigh between the two and found that I’d rather read Public Enemies, and not because of six degrees of Johnny Depp at all.
10. Being up at midnight with the family. I hadn’t noticed that it was already 12:30. But here we are eating dinner, and it’s so warm and festive inside while so dark and cold outside. I love this. I wish right now would go on forever. But at the same time not, because there’s so much to explore elsewhere.
11. Conventions. As I mentioned before, I was at a Christian convention this week. The combination of a shared passion, passionate & charismatic speakers, and intense immersion in something made me really happy. I feel like my life’s been reboosted, haha.
12. A well-wrapped gift. I finally was able to give Sibyl a thank-you gift for helping me out with job shadowing. It was hell while I was figuring out the right combination of colors and the right gift, but I was so proud to hand the finished product to her.
13. Creative people. You guys make me feel not alone in my pack-ratting. Because today as I was cleaning I realized that I keep a lot of papers, and most of them only have a few lines scribbled down. Yet I treasure them. So when I see all those pictures of designers’ and writers’ homes, I know it’s a shared trait.
Won’t keep you much longer – you’ve got work and other things to do, and I’ve got sleep to catch up on. In just a few hours it will be the day my dad and sisters leave for Taiwan – won’t see them for two months!, and my buddies come over for fun time. Just realized I haven’t finalized filming dates. Oh well. Good night, good morning, whatever it is for you. Have a great day!
Oh yes, one more that I’ve just realized. Scratchy pens. The sound makes me feel like Benjamin Franklin, even if I’m only writing “sunday june 19 – scene 1, last scene?” or “bread, milk, chocolate ice cream.” Personally I prefer vanilla – so many possibilities from a blank slate. But I am learning to love cookies and cream too. Really now, get on with your life. I’ll be back later.
Filed under: Happiness is a Warm Gun, Uncategorized | Tags: Annenburg Space for Photography, art, books, city, civilization, Desiderata, fun, greatness, happiness, Jack Sparrow, LA Film Festival, Max Ehrmann, monopoly, nature, office, people, photographs, poetry, pointless, quotes, Westwood
I missed my happiness post this week, and maybe last week too? I can’t remember, but no matter!
1. Reading poetry out loud. Maybe it’s the elitist in me, but I love that I know the “correct” way to read poetry – which is nothing really, just following the punctuation rather than line division. It really helps when you’re trying to figure out the meaning of the poem. Whatever, it’s really beautiful either way. Try it, with this poem that is tattooed on one of the Jack Sparrow’s back in Davy Jones’ Locker.
It’s long, so savor the happiness.
Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann in the 1920’s.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
2. People. Sometimes I’m holed up by myself, wallowing in misery, and the idea of being around other people is as attractive as eating a slug wrapped in the skin of a raccoon. The thing is, people always do something that makes me lift my head up again. I’d like to add something that I told Miya today, when she was feeling down. First she said “I feel like nothing I do will ever amount to anything.” I said, “I think that even if someone doesn’t do anything great they’ve been a part of so who is great’s life and thus they have contributed to greatness.” There are quotes about going out and doing things, quotes about keeping your head high and not caring about what others think, quotes about being yourself. But where are the quotes for when you feel like life is useless, a feeling that I know a lot of people get. That summarized eighth grade for me. Oh, wow. I had forgotten about eighth grade until this moment.
3. Books. I have more time to enjoy them now. Books hold so much. Everything they say is true, you could experience the world through a book – but it’s always better to live it for yourself. Still, they have the power to inspire you to go out and live what you see.
4. Photographs. I went to the Annenburg Space for Photography Saturday and I realized that in some ways photography is more beautiful than film. In other ways film is more beautiful than poetry – of course, and film may be more of my medium than photography is. The same goes with prose and poetry, photography and painting. But the silence of photography, and the stillness of it – it’s somewhat breathtaking. Portraits are my favorite – someone’s face, whether you know who they are or not, staring back at you for eternity. And you wonder what was happening in that moment, and what was going through their minds. What made them cry, or smile, or react in that way? Portraits make people vulnerable.
5. Days “out on the town” with your friends. Saturday was jam-packed with things to do, and it was just exciting to hang out with friends in the city. It’s not exciting in Cerritos, but Westwood during the LA Film Fest was a lot of fun. Even not during the Film Fest.
6. Shorts. I live in them now.
7. Nature. I never appreciated nature before, it was always something manmade that held my attention. But nature is so much more beautiful than anything we could create, perhaps with the exception of the office buildings where the Annenburg Space for Photography and my internship coordinator’s office is. That place was breathtaking – a grassy picnic area surrounded by three glass towers hundreds of feet tall. I’d love to work there, perhaps. Anyway, nature is just really complex and recently I’ve been imagining what our world looked like before we came and did whatever we did to it. Whenever I see a glimpse of nature surrounded by civilization, like that puddle (literally) of wetland I found at Huntington Beach yesterday, I clone it all over in my head and see what it used to be.
That’s all for this week. I’ve got to go play Monopoly with my sisters now.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Amazing Race, birthday, blogging, buddies, club retrospect, cynicism, finals, frustration, grades, happiness, Jerry, job shadow, Johnny Depp, picnic, Puerto Rico, self-righteous, stop-motion, summer, temper
I think I’ll start replying to comments directly under the comments – so check there.
Our picnic was a failure – but still fun. Miya’s cake killed us all – over 500 calories for 1/12th of that cake and we had devoured over half. I love my buddies. I never felt that I actually really loved my friends until this year. Nothing ever really impressed me, I was slightly cynical and all that jazz. Maybe being eternally happy takes away from my humor or writing style, but I’m not going to complain about happiness. But really, my friends are an amazing group of people. We all have our individual faults, to be true, but when we’re just having fun all of that is pretty much forgotten.
Today Miya tried to help me out in chem. She offered me her calculator and I snapped at her. I do these things all the time at home, but afterward the regret just like, rushed up my throat. I know we all say we try to be nice people, but when you’re frustrated, your temper just roars out at people. I’m afraid that I’ll ruin my relationships with people by losing my temper. Sorry, Miya. The frustration had just built up to that one moment when you offered your calculator and I said the first thing that was on my mind, which was true, but really mean.
The day started out horrible, but got a lot better. My team got screwed over in the Amazing Race, and all the other teams think we’re just bitter because we had caught up to second place and ended up last. If the race isn’t set up right…
Anyway. When things go your way it’s easy to see the bright side of things, and I hate when people get self-righteous about seeing the good in people. Do they know what we had to go through, running all around the school? It’s definitely nothing compared to say, what the Jews had to go through during the Holocaust, but I wasn’t physically made for running. Rather, I was but I don’t. I looked at that class full of people and wondered if maybe we were the ones seeing it wrong – but I know one thing and that is that we did not screw up that race for ourselves.
The stop-motion is coming along really well. We’ve got 3/4ths of our cast and their schedules seem to really match up. Then we’ve got a “crew” and a script. I wouldn’t say yet that we’re set to go, but huzzah nonetheless. Also, Club Retrospect is almost up and running. We’ve got an advisor and our petition has been filled up. I think we have a good chance of being approved.
So, the rest of the day went beyond well. I’m excited for summer, and for next year. Still, the fear of junior year has not subsided. One must remember that this is a competitive high school and everyone here is above average – so the standards get pushed higher. In other news, I got an A on my math test, which will surely bring me up a letter grade. In other other news, AP Human remains a B+ 
Oh wow. And with the phone call made between the last paragraph and this one, my job shadowing is officially over. Boo hoo.
I’m watching the video of Johnny Depp’s birthday celebration in Puerto Rico, and when the camera was on both Johnny Depp and Jerry, each on one side of the frame, I didn’t know where to look! My eyes were darting back and forth frantically. There was Jerry on one side, pulling candles out of the cake with haste. Yet on the other was Johnny Depp, being happy and Johnny Depp. I wish I were there – that cake looks delicious, even if grainy because of bad video quality. And to have the drums and singing constantly in the background – that’s festivity.
My excitement for summer is making my grades slip. This is bad.
EDIT.
This is the next day. I would have started over but again, the things I do for posterity.
I feel like I’ve gone astray with my blogging style – and I may spend some time away to figure things out. Whatever I decide to do, I’ll be trying to clear my head. Basically, I’m not satisfied with my posts in the last week or so and I’ve lost my desire to post, really.
Hopefully I’ll be back in full swing by the time summer break gets here – next Wednesday. I’ll try to update but please keep in mind I have finals for the next week. In fact…I should be studying now for math.
So goodbye for today. Have fun and whatnot. I may or may not be back tomorrow. Actually, I probably will be. Tomorrow’s Friday.
Filed under: Happiness is a Warm Gun, Uncategorized | Tags: Anna-Sophia Robb, architecture, bicycles, Bob Dylan, classic, clothing, color, Continuum, elitist, Everywhere, happiness, John Mayer, Johnny Depp, Kool-Aid, Life in Cartoon Motion, Michelle Branch, Mika, mountains, Mr. Tambourine Man, old movie posters, old music, passion, pattern, people, poetry, Saorse Ronan, sleep, Tang, texture, the Beatles, The Horseman on the Roof, Vanity Fair July 09, wilderness
Things that happified me this week are as follows.
1. Poetry – A few well-written poems in English class and the Earl of Rochester’s “Satyr on Mankind” have kindled my newfound like for poetry. I will admit that I did read the “Satyr on Mankind” because of Johnny Depp – but only because I was on a fansite and it was on someone’s signature. It really intrigued me, so I read the whole thing. I doubt I could ever produce good poetry, though. Has anyone seen my poetry landfill? I always forgo meaning and symbolism for a cheap rhyme.
2. Vanity Fair July 09 – Yes, it was Johnny Depp on the cover, but that’s never really been enough to excite me about a magazine. It was the nature of this shoot and what it sort of showed that makes me so happy. The fact that Johnny Depp allowed Douglas Brinkley onto his private island shows that he’s finally really happy in life, and comfortable with his celebrity. Even though I hopped onto the bandwagon fifteen years into his career, I’ve seen a lot of changes. As weird as the following example sounds, it’s like watching my sisters as they grow up. And it’s like watching my parents as they grow old and bitter. Aside from that, the photos were some of the most playful and relaxed I’ve seen him in pictures. With this issue of Vanity Fair, Johnny Depp became even cooler than before. And I can really admire him now, because he’s gotten rid of a lot of the negativity that made me limit my admiration to his acting. It’s great when you can admire someone as opposed to knowing every detail of their lives, that is, obsessing.
3. People – Not the magazine, but almost everyone I’ve encountered. I’m still working on not being angered by a few people, but for the most part I’m not resentful toward anyone anymore. Even the “popular kids”, I see them as regular human beings. They’re flawed, but some of them are very intelligent, or diligent, or whatever it is. They all have some redeeming quality. In 7th grade, people would tell me that we would grow closer as a class, and I never saw that happening. But now I get it, everyone matures and realizes that we are all one group, and we face everything together. Can you tell I’m refraining from saying “we’re all in this together”? I don’t feel a barrier between me or anyone else in my class, because I’m just as cool as they are, if not more. This is where elitism The people at my church, they’re amazing too. They’re the coolest people on the planet, they’ve got their priorities straight, and yet they do all this without ever uttering a cuss word. And they don’t judge you. Yeah, I know they’re not as perfect as I’m describing them, but the best part is that we’re all striving toward these things. Still, they are the coolest. I also love my PE buddies, for being my idea dumping ground. Especially Miya – and I told her this was coming – but she is so open to everything I say. It’s nice to have that there so that my ideas don’t die before they leave the ground. Miya, I can’t wait for our picnic on Wednesday. I’m a little nervous, but excited nonetheless. Also, there’s no ham or turkey at my house. I may have to end up bringing chips.
4. Bicycles – This is not a double entendre regarding Sushi. I really wish Cerritos had one of those rent-a-bicycle machines. It would make getting around much easier. Again, not a double entendre. Sadly, though our city is rich, it is not a major metropolitan area and such an idea would most probably get shot down. Until then, I can only work with haste toward my driver’s license.
5. Old movie posters – They are so beautiful because of the rich colors and the fact that they are not photographs. I’d love to see a PotC poster in a classic style. Good god, I’d love to see all my favorite movies in that style.
6. Passion – You always read about how “men like a woman who is passionate about something else.” I always thought, “Whell then.” But now I really do have something I’m passionate about – film, and it practically reeks off of me, if you consider the fact that the one thing that everyone who meets me says is that they can see I really love the art of filmmaking. Being passionate about something feels good. It gives me something else to look forward to instead of boys and looking nice. I think being a teenager with passion really sets you apart from your peers – and that’s great. It makes you want to yell to everyone else to go after their dreams too, but then you realize that if they do and they fail, it will be all your fault. I have a friend who is clearly naturally artistic – but she doesn’t know what she wants to do. The careers she comes up with are beyond boring – stock broker, pediatrician, etc. I felt sleepy just thinking about doing that for the rest of my life. I want to knock on her skull and say, “Hello? Have you ever considered art?” But I don’t want her to be a starving artist either.
7. Old music – This can be old as in the early 1900’s or old as in from a couple years ago. I recently heard “Everywhere” by Michelle Branch, and forgive me if you are a music snob – but I certainly wasn’t when I was 11, which was when I first heard that song. If it thrilled me, I listened to it. Another old one I heard is even younger, “Heart of Life” from John Mayer’s Continuum album. It brought me back to middle school, when I had just gotten it from MSN for free onto Windows Media Player (along with MIKA’s Life in Cartoon Motion ) and I was up at four in the morning slaving over homework and reading bad fanfiction. Listening to Vanessa Paradis brings me back to the same time. Then again, I really love the Beatles right now, and I’m looking forward to finding some even older music. I also love “Mr. Tambourine Man” by Bob Dylan.
8. Sleep – It feels good. That is all.
9. People who think they’re in the loop – It caters to my inner elitist. What can I say? I love bringing up obscure movies in front of these people and watching them flounder. Nobody’s perfect. I’m gonna work it. See?
10. Deviled Eggs – Thanks, Miya, for reminding me how much I loved eating these things. They’re delicious, how could anyone ever say no to them?
11. Having ice cream in one’s house – It’s great being able to eat ice cream whenever you want. Especially during this schizophrenic weather.
12. Living right beneath the mountains – I went to the Santa Anita mall, and I looked up and the mountains were practically on top of me. It was really beautiful – they were dark and mysterious, and I was sure that they were miles away, and yet they were right there. I imagined myself in the past, when all of California, if not the entire world, was wilderness. And I was riding my horse toward the mountains. That’s when I realized how much I appreciated “The Horseman on the Roof”. We need more movies that take us back to the wilderness. In my utopia, everything would be as in the past – classic architecture, wilderness, but the current equality of people that we have now. I don’t find a beach as beautiful as the wilderness of the mountains and forests.
13. Clothing with texture – I used to think I loved bright colors, but like years before that was just a phase to try to be like my favorite celebrities. Not the case now, because I find myself drawn to patterns and embroidery. I’d still love to have many different colors in my clothing, but more than that I’d love different textures and patterns.
14. Saorse Ronan – She’s in a lot of stuff lately, and while I know that like Anna-Sophia Robb she will probably do something to annoy me in the future, I’m really happy for her success.
15. Tang and Kool-Aid – Didn’t we all grow up drinking this, begging our parents to buy us the plastic Kool-Aid bottles that you had to twist open?
Sho, those are 15 things that made my week. Methinks this will be back every Sunday now.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: blog, music, life, chinese, big girl, stop-motion, happiness, violin, LA, Dr. Frank, angry asian man, fun, ignorance, banquet, Lyle the Crocodile, prodigy, anger, mid-life crisis, girls, record, Ghost Town, Ricky Gervaise, languages, cultural differences, cuisine, old movie posters, King Kong, The Wizard of Oz, the Cowardly Lion, laptop, Final Cut Pro, PC, driving
I won’t hide the fact that as I read MUSIC’s comment my heart rate increased dramatically and I had to take a few deep breaths. I actually tried to find my happy place, an activity I believed only existed in mediocre romantic comedies. The good news is, I found it.
I will say that the point of sharing that part of my past wasn’t for telling the world I was a really good violin player. The heart of that post, in my opinion, is the part about how no one is willing to believe that great things are happening around them. And not just in my case.
I do realize how extreme the word “prodigy” is. I use it lightly, as I do fatteh, ugly, and poop. As I was typing, I paused before putting that down – but I get slightly emotional when I think about violin – as pathetic as that sounds, and decided to go through with it anyway.
It’s gotten better, though. Before I thought that I had pretty much wasted my life – bear with my former self here – because I had been given a talent and, well you know the story. I don’t pretend that I’m the only one in this situation, or the only one given musical ability. But the reason for my premature mid-life crisis was that I didn’t really have any other purpose in life – I was still looking for things. If you’ve been following for the past month or so, you’ll know I’ve found something, if not it.
That still didn’t give my friends the right to roll their eyes at my then mid-life crisis. When you’re watching from the outside everything is belittled. Knowing that, I try to see things from the bereaved person’s perspective – maintaining a balance, so to speak. And it doesn’t give them the right to crack jokes about my behavior then either. What someone did in the past is laced with ignorance – because hindsight and all that. They may know they were stupid, but – well, there’s just something very rude about making fun of it.
Back to the happy. We – HOLY GOD IS THAT “BIG GIRL” ON THE TV NO DONT CHANGE THE MUSIC DAMMIT
A human stop-motion is in the works for this summer, and it’s a lot more plausible than “Angry Asian Man” and other stop-motion ideas I’ve had. Once I talk to my buddy, we’ll see if “Angry Asian Man” is happening this summer. I’m pretty sure of the human stop-motion though. It’s for a teenage cast, and it doesn’t take itself as seriously as “Angry Asian Man”.
We’ll be asking people to be in it starting Monday.
EDIT: We left the house – another false start for the San Diego Zoo.
Anyway, it’s pretty much out in the open that I have a blog now. I hope Fatherman isn’t looking for it. He asked me what was on my blog and presented the story of a Taiwanese girl whose blog won awards for its photos of Taiwanese farmers.
My blog – doesn’t have a point. I don’t really want to have a point, but I’d like for it to be more than just my day-t0-day events. Which is why I try to share my thoughts rather than what happens to me that day. Would you rather it have a point or to go on like this…I don’t know, myself. I think I’d feel restricted if I could only talk about food, or furniture.
Although this is my only record of my life, and for posterity there are some mundane things I can’t leave out.
Last night was the Journalism internship banquet. Being with a group of girls and just letting go, having fun – that was really great. I sort of liked the relative anonymity. They know nothing of my old personality, so I could just start over and be a real girl. Sounds weird, but I’m rather reserved about letting my feminine side shine through. It’s a stigma, I think, that a lot of little girls have to deal with. Because every tells them not to be such a girly girl and suck it up.
Permit me to rant a little here – I just finished watching “Ghost Town”, and while overall an ordinary movie, meaning it wasn’t extraordinary, there was just one part that was a bit unbearable for me to watch. Don’t tell me it’s just a joke, or that I’m overreacting. The part where Ricky Gervais makes fun of the Chinese because we have funny names. He tries to justify it by saying it’s not about our faces, but it still reeks of ignorance. Everyone has different languages, and we should respect that by recognizing that things may sound funny – but it means something else, and to a large group of people it makes perfect sense. I’m not usually one to nitpick about racism or whatever. For the most part, I ignore racist jokes because it’s really not worth my time. And I don’t know why this time it mattered, it just really bothered me. I was squirming in my seat, disgusted.
DR. FRANK IS ON TV MIYA LOOK NOW LOOK NOW
I loathe Chinese buffets. And I am only slightly annoyed at the people who go there for the orange chicken and fortune cookies only. Like the couple who exchanged the following conversation today:
Girl: I saw people eating crab legs!
Boy: Ugh.
Thank you, American couple. Thank you for that enlightening insight. I really don’t know what to say to that. I can’t call it ignorance, because then I wouldn’t be any better than Ricky Gervais in “Ghost Town”. I wanted to pick up a crab leg and tear into before their faces, saying, “Mmmm. Yummy.” But sometimes I think that Western cuisine, while good to eat, really pales in comparison to Eastern cuisine. When I want something complicated and a mix of tastes in my mouth, I go for Asian food. When I want just plain good, I go for steak and mashed potatoes.
Today I realized I wouldn’t mind having an old movie poster in my room. A classic would be preferred, just for their aesthetic. I saw a couple today in K-Mart, but only King Kong, which was cool to look at but terrifying, and The Wizard of Oz, which I was terrified of as a child. The Cowardly Lion still strikes fear into my heart. I once made my family change hotel rooms at MGM because there was a “Wizard of Oz” theme going on.
I don’t really have much more to say at the moment. I haven’t been following my favorite blogs lately because I don’t want to risk letting another virus loose on my dad’s laptop. I really want a laptop of my own. Then again, I really want to learn Final Cut Pro – it’s the industry standard – but my dad insists on getting a PC first.
As my activities get more and more hectic, I realize the need for the ability to drive. I need it now – or my dad’s never going to get a moment of rest. But I’m going to miss driving an hour with him to LA every week – and falling asleep for half the drive.
Whell then. How many times have I ended a post awkwardly? Almost every time. Huzzah, goodbye. See you later, Alligator. I want to read Lyle the Crocodile.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Pirates of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp, music, movies, life, happiness, fansites, fandom, violin, Doubt, nature, prodigy, violinist, classical, believe, extraordinary, past, regret, organic
I’ve just returned from the spring concert – which answers the question of whether or not I play music. By asking this question, you unleash a long and tragic - only to me – backstory.
Before I was four years old, I started learning to play the piano from the daughter of my parents’ friends. She introduced me to her violin teacher, who decided to take me under his wing, so to speak. Before I go on, I’d really appreciate if you would stow all cynicism under your seat.
I’ll start by saying that when I returned, he told me I had been his favorite student.
I started learning violin when I was four-years-old. My Russian teacher put a lot of effort into me, because he knew I had an excellent ear. Thanks to him, I built up quality sound and technique. The only flaw really was that I had yet to learn music theory. I played by ear. I was, as many people have taken it upon themselves to sarcastically put it, a prodigy of sorts.
Like any young violinist, I hated practicing. Playing made me itch and have to go to the bathroom. My mother, believing in me, ran after me with a clothes hanger, trying various techniques of motivating me to play. She made me play in the kitchen, where I could time my three hours a day practice time with the microwave and my one minute bathroom breaks.
By the time I was nine, my life had been filled with arguments where my parents threatened to stop my lessons, and I would cry. Of course I knew I had talent, and I wasn’t going to let that go, even if I hated violin. One summer my parents decided I should take a break and return in the fall. That break lasted for four years.
Until I was thirteen, I always thought it was my fault, because I had hated practicing. Later I learned that it was also financial.
We finally called him two years ago, and by that time he had moved out of his private lessons in his home and set up a music school. He basically ran the school, taking in only young children with a lot of potential, and everyone else went to other teachers that taught at the school.
He said that he had waited a year for me to return. I know, sounds like a cheesy love story, but bear with me. It’s almost over. It was a waste, because he would have taught me for free, he thought I had that much potential. I always felt a pressure to include musician on my list of possible careers, and frankly that pressure has not gone away. The only difference is that the pressure comes from myself now.
But now he wouldn’t take me as a student because it was too late – I was too old. For two years I was taught by an Armenian teacher, a woman. She was emotional but it’s nice that I learned from a different aspect.
Again, my parents said we were taking a break so we could go to my grandma’s funeral. I haven’t returned from that break. Sometimes I’d like to take things into my own hands and call my teacher. But I no longer have anything to bargain with. She wouldn’t take me back for free now.
Whenever I tell people about violin, they scoff and laugh at how highly I think of myself. I’m not someone who would ever think highly of myself until I know that I am what I say I am. I doubt it every day, I doubt whether I remember my childhood wrong. Once I quit six years ago, I relegated myself to the ranks of average people. People who play violin as a side hobby. I was trained to become a soloist, really.
The thing that bothers me is that no one ever believes me. They say they understand, but always with a pinch of mockery. Just because I’m your friend, because I’m a normal human being, that I’m tangibly here, doesn’t mean that I have to be normal. I think everyone’s hiding something extraordinary in their past. Or in their future. Everything spectacular starts small. Why is it so impossible that your classmate, your friend, was a prodigy, once?
All that “Just believe” stuff makes me want to puke too, but I can’t help but think that it is true, we just don’t acknowledge it.
That’s part of what makes me so determined to stick with violin – because people don’t believe. But time is running out because I keep getting older. Soon playing well will be nothing extraordinary.
Today TheRealFatteh was talking to me at the concert, and she was praising her freshman friend. I heard these words come out of her mouth, “He’s really good, better than y-”. I was looking at her somewhat intensely then, because I knew what she was going to say. She met my eyes and abruptly changed the sentence. “The only people ahead of him are seniors. That’s really amazing.”
I haven’t come to terms with violin yet. I sort of hope I never do. But now my life has expanded so much – to film, church, and just plain happiness and pretty things. I really wish I had had the interest and love for violin I have now, and that my parents had been able to support me financially. But that’s in the past – I can’t always be wallowing in regret.
In other news, I sense that our respective sides of the fandom argument are sprouting from personal preference. I know that as a PotC fan I always wanted to defend PotC, no matter how ridiculous. I wasn’t the only one. I’m going to leave the argument here, although I do recommend that for some of the most courteous intelligent fans I have yet to come across, find a good Johnny Depp fansite. A good, really informative one. Usually the good ones have their own domain names.
I should really start homework now. Today will probably be an all-nighter. Depressing, because my eyelids are already drooping. I can’t believe that just two hours ago I was playing with orchestra onstage. It’s surreal, the stage.
I love the organic things in life – music and nature, for example. Movies make me happy, but nothing really compares to the instinctive, primitive happiness that comes from playing music.
I’ll admit, I am somewhat of a music snob when it comes to my instrument. I’ve mainly learned classical all my life, but occasionally I play PotC or some song by ear. Classical will always be much more fun to play.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: adult, beauty, Cerritos College, children, deep, Ernest, film festival, fish, fun, grapes, group project, happiness, interview, Japanese game show, Johnny Depp, Karate Tetherball Girl, literature, love life, movie, MTV Movie Awards, nicknames, optimism, orchestra, PMS, Public Enemies, screenplay, screenplays, summer, superpower, Sushi, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Wife of Bath's Tale, thoughts, Vanity Fair, What Women Want, writing
Hold tight, Ernest will be back sometime this weekend.
My sister’s fish went through some sort of mysterious trauma yesterday and now they’re always hiding. It’s hilarious, really, when they all huddle under the filter and try to stealthily swim to the other side of the tank. When you scatter food they hide until one of them gets the courage to dart and nip at the food. Very stealthy, except that as a human, I can see all.
We’re down to six fish, and one of the silver ones tried to eat the last corpse. Silly fish, you’re such a fatteh.
Today was a lot of fun, because I didn’t go to school for half the day. I was at Cerritos College taking the assessment test and enrolling in Psych 101. Now that that’s done with, I’m almost finished with all my summer preparations. Huzzah.
It was also the last orchestra rehearsal of this school year. I’m happy, of course, because orchestra tends to smack you in the face Monday morning, but I think I am going to miss it.
I just slaved away on a group project by myself. It’s been a while since that’s happened, but aside from a twinge of annoyance as I copied an excerpt of “The Wife of Bath’s Tale” paragraph by paragraph, I welcome my group’s unreliability. For one, I’ve been happy for way too long. And I don’t mean this in a sadistic self-harming way, but that I wanted my happiness to be challenged. I wanted to know whether it was the circumstances around me or a real change in my personality that caused my incessant optimism. The only exception to my optimism is around PMS time, when, like clockwork, I get snappy at everyone.
And now that the final draft is finished, I love the way it looks. I love putting together packets like this, the ones that are like written ready-made missions for fourth graders. And what’s nice is that all the while I kept thinking, “This isn’t so bad,” rather than “I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.”
But enough of that. My sister’s computer was down for a while last night and I thought maybe I had lost half of my screenplays. Tomorrow night’s the Whitney Film Festival and I’m debating whether or not to go. It really depends on the amount of homework I have, as everything does. I can’t wait until summer. I’m really hoping this doesn’t end up a wasted summer, because how many more of these will I get? After I graduate high school it will pretty much be all work and little play.
I love how vague we all are on our blogs. Heck, I don’t even reveal my real name on here. Of course, I respond to Grapes in real life, and actually my real name sounds really strange to me, but still. For me, I have to really trust someone before I put their real names on my blog. As for Sushi, I’m just scared one day her Indian family will sue me for the blasphemous things I say about her love life. Not that it isn’t true, everything that she’s done. Like date James Bond and Chiranjeevi.
I like having the nicknames though. Like KarateTetherballGirl. It’s fairly obvious who she is but it sounds like a minor character in an indie movie or a “young adult” novel. God, I hate young adult novels. I like children’s literature, and I like adult literature. Not…”adult literature”. I mean like, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy sort of stuff, not Wild Nights in Williamsburg With Sushi. Good god.
I was just thinking in the shower, not about little Japanese game show boys this time, but about being able to hear other people’s thoughts. Then, just as I was about to get all happy about this new imagined superpower, “What Women Want” popped into my head, as it often does when I wish I could hear people’s thoughts. Stupid movie, it never knows to knock before entering.
I imagine that it would be irritating though, having to wade through “That woman, she’s so beautiful. What a divine goddess. What’s her name? Sushi? Oh, nevermind how it sounds. She’s perfect. Look at those curves.” And so on.
I’m trying to get back to writing stuff other than screenplays. Of course I’ll still be working on scripts, but I think it’ll be nice to stick with some traditional writing as well.
With that, I’ll leave you before I get too profound and deep. I know too much of that tends to get irritating.
Meanwhile, Johnny Depp has appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair, I think the first magazine cover he’s done in a while that isn’t a “Public Enemies” still, and there’s also that clip of “Public Enemies” from the MTV Movie Awards yesterday. First interview he’s done in a while too.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: drama, Miya, director, magazine, msn, shopping, books, life, fish, cool, culture shock, stop-motion, happiness, film festival, India, Forever 21, ugly, actor, art, French, Danny Boyle, interview, friends, Keira Knightley, people, angry asian man, fun, ironing, classical music, Nobu, APHG, 50's housewife, ugly flower prints, A Chair for My Mother, Vera B. Williams, Reading Rainbow, bees, dressing room, interpretive dance, yoga, amazing, banquet, split personality, stick up ass, William Turner, stuck up, The Duchess, Outsourced, The World is Flat, independent movie, Everyday Lessons, Phineas and Ferb, magical, personal stories
Whilst shopping with Miya and Nobu Saturday – fun but we got almost nothing done regarding our AP Human project – I suddenly felt like listing things that make me happy on my blog. I know, I’ve done this before, but that list was definitely incomplete. Here are a few more things that have recently made me happy.
1. Ironing. Goodness this is one thing that makes me want to become a 50’s housewife, women’s rights or not. Actually, if I actually think that statement through there is something seriously wrong with it. Ironing caters to my OCD and my love of spraying water with my fingers.
2. Ugly flower prints. I saw plenty of these at Forever 21, and it was while I gazed at Miya punching a mannequin’s ugly flower-print skirt-covered plastic behind when I realized where my desire for an ugly floral armchair comes from. When I was little I read a picture book about a girl whose family goes shopping for a new armchair. They finally settle on this red rose-patterned ugly thing, and her mother loves it. I think they were Mexican. Does anyone recognize this?
Speaking of books that have escaped my memory, has anyone read a book about bees? Not The Secret Life of Bees, but in this book the bees are the characters, like they have conversations and stuff. I read it after waking up from a nasty nightmare.
Oh! I googled it. It’s called A Chair for My Mother by Vera B. Williams. I remember always thinking, “God. Is that Vera B. Williams again? She writes every picture book from ‘Reading Rainbow’”.
Dang, there are all these books I have forgotten.
3. Trying on the ugliest clothes in the store for fun. Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures. Most people go to Windsor with their friends and try on the most elaborate, beautiful dresses. I tried on a grayish fish-smelling maxi dress, strapless blue gingham dress, zebra-print electric blue swim shorts, a denim jumper, and a rainbow plaid skirt. Good god.
4. Magazines. When a magazine page is made well, I actually get excited to read it.
5. Interpretive dances set to classical music. It makes for a very humorous scene, at the very least. It’s also a great workout.
6. Pretending you’re going to wake up early tomorrow and do yoga. Makes one feel accomplished. Gives one the feeling of being hip. You don’t say…
7. Meeting someone who is just amazing. Not a guy, but when you meet a new friend or when you look at your friends and realize they are amazing people, it’s makes you happy and want to hang out with them even more.
Gosh, these explanations are getting shorter and shorter. I’ll just stop here since I’m grasping for ideas now. Let’s skip ahead to tonight’s French Club Banquet. I had some fun, but some stuff happened that gave me things to complain about here.
One thing that irks me about some people is their split personalities. They are, in a sense, bipolar. Not actually, but some days they’re your best friend and others they are just real fattehs. Please, I’d rather you make up your mind.
We were sitting at the same table as KarateTetherballGirl and eventually we became too uncool for her attention. And she turned to the one person who would happily gossip with her about her “drama-filled” life. She seemed really thrilled to have drama in her life. Really thrilled, because she said so herself in a very awe-filled voice.
One thing I couldn’t understand was how talking about everyone you know is more fun than making gay “Twilight” references and laughing about forgetting your parent’s anniversaries.
Another thing that irks me is when people have sticks up their asses. There are three types of stickuptheirass people. The first is like William Turner, and I’ve yet to meet another like him. Since he’s fictional I never really get annoyed at him. Yeah, I yell at the screen but I’m never annoyed from the gut. I don’t know if this makes sense. The next kind is like – what was her pseudonym – my French class partner. Where they never really learned to let go and have fun. And they’re hesitant but sometimes you can have a lot of fun saying the most ridiculous things around them. The last kind is like KarateTetherballGirl. The kind who goes through life doing a lot of looking at people and then turning back to their buddy and saying, “Anyway…” or “Okay…”
The ones who savor being “the only sane ones at the table”. The ones who wouldn’t have fun if you dropped them in a field with their friends.
I take that back. They’d have fun sitting in the corner and talking about the guys at school. And no one would stop them from being put in the corner.
She was mad because one of her friends couldn’t make it to the banquet. Get over it and have fun with the people who are there, even if you don’t know them. Why not get to know them?
Enough bitterness. I had fun nonetheless. That rhymes a little bit. The food was delicious and just the right amount, so I’m content.
For MUSIC, here’s your Angry Asian Man update. It’s in limbo right now. In my head, being contemplated every day. If it doesn’t work out, I’m also planning a stop-motion. If it’s not made this summer, it will be made next year. Chances are it’s this summer.
Last night I watched “Outsourced”, which was like The World is Flat transcribed into dialogue while stuff happens to a white guy in India to demonstrate culture shock. It was a very obvious independent movie. I’m guessing it’s a debut film.
I also saw “The Duchess”, on which I have no thoughts except that I read the script during Oscar season and there’s a reason I don’t like watching movies with my mom sometimes. “Yuck! Is this movie for children? Yuck! Don’t look! You’re peeking!” Yes, Mother, because I like watching Keira Knightley’s bony back twist about in candlelight. Whatever you believe about whether she’s anorexic or not, one cannot deny the bonyness of her back.
Ooh. I just read this on MSN. “Everyday Lessons”.
“Watch all the movies by one actor or director
If you love movies, have your own personal film festival. Rent all the movies created by one director or about a place or that showcases one actress you love. Become an expert on the things you love.”
I guess I’m on my way to enjoying my life.
The creators of “Phineas and Ferb” said this:
“One thing I’d love to teach children is the fact that there is no right or wrong way to draw. Draw what makes you happy and never worry about somebody saying, ‘Oh, that isn’t a good drawing.’ There are so many, infinite drawing styles out there. Your work doesn’t have to look like it’s straight out of a comic book or straight out of an art book. As long as you’re expressing yourself and you’re getting a reaction, then that’s good.”
My Danny Boyle drawings are good. Hahaha.
I’d love to go interview everyone in the world right now. I’m sure everyone’s got something interesting to say. I used to hate personal stories because I thought they weren’t as magical as fiction. What a fatteh.
Whell then. Sayonara, Japanese goodbye. My sisters’ fish count is down to six.
