Filed under: gift guides | Tags: arabesque, auction, birthday, blood, connecticut, crazy cat lady game, crocheted leaflet tights, dance class, Danny Boyle, Disney, Edward Scissorhands, fangirl, Gale, gift guide, gifts, gloves, grandpa hairtuft, hairy legs, interviews, Jerry Bruckheimer, Johnny Depp, Lone Ranger, lonely, michael jackson, Miya, mono, oprah, props, road trip, shang, STAR testing, stealthygrapes, sweat, Tonto, trailer, twitter, Youtube
I originally wanted to attack everyone with pictures of Danny Boyle, whom I have taken up drawing on every surface I see. I don’t think that was gramatically correct, nor ecumenically, nor spiritually, but I just woke up from a nap that went too long and began too late. I will, however, watch numerous interviews of Danny Boyle on Youtube, something I have never done before. Huzzah.
Miya. The Gale to my Oprah, the Tonto to my Lone Ranger. Scratch that, I’d rather be Tonto, as Johnny Depp is portraying him in a 2010/2011 movie headed by Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer. Now that I’ve told you, I expect you to not run up to your local Johnny Depp fangirl – who will have to do in place of me, I guess, although I am not a fangirl - one month before “The Lone Ranger” comes out, and tell them that you can’t wait for that new Johnny Depp movie. They will shun you for being an ignorant poop.
Back to the subject at hand. Miya’s birthday was two days ago, and I gave her the gift of joining twitter with her. Oh look! A perfect chance to self-promote! Mein twitter is @stealthygrapes. Huzzah.
But here are gifts that I would give her if I were rich and not lethargic.
1. Crazy Cat Lady Game; so that she can practice for the lonely thirty years spent waiting for me in the trailer.
fredflare, $22
2. Crocheted Leaflet Tights; so that her legs always look hairy.
fredflare, $12
3. Arabesque; so she can always be reminded of what we couldn’t achieve in dance class.
rock 'n rose jewellery, 10 pounds
4. Mono; for staring contests and incentive to buy the whole bio gang. Also, because Mono needs her Grandpa Hairtuft. And her uncle, Michael Jackson. And her other uncle, Shang. Do you remember our original road trip plans? To drive to Connecticut and steal the whole lot…
giant microbes, $7.95
5. Edward Scissorhand Gloves; so she can’t.
Michael Jackson auction, $4000-6000
Those are the real gloves from the movie that, by now, have been mentioned too many times. And there’s probably dried up Johnny Depp hand sweat on them…and blood, because he cut himself so many times. I’m only mentioning this because I know there are fangirls who like that stuff…
Happy belated birthday Ayim.
I’ll be back with another post perhapsedly tomorrow, because we have STAR testing and thus early dismissal. In the meantime, my fears have come true and I can’t stop twittering. Follow me if you’re already in the trap, but if you’re not – stay out and keep your life.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Arthur, Bella, Blondie, Buster, By the Sea, Chiranjeevi, cubicle, directing, Donald Trump, dorks, edward, elections, ex boyfriends, French, geeks, idea, James bond, Jean-Baptiste Maunier, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp's children, La Nuit, Les Choristes, men's wearhouse, Mr. Gibbs, nerds, night janitor, oprah, PBS, phoenix, Pop-eye, Postcards from Buster, Sushi, Sweeney Todd, Twilight, wonder child
That’s all that’s in my head. Ever since we watched Les Choristes in French, Jean-Baptiste Maunier singing La Nuit has been stuck. And since I’ve been too lazy to look up the words, he just says “Au nuuuuuiiiiit” over and over.
Life? It’s still dull, but getting slightly better. Today was the first episode of “Buster in the Career Development Class” and it cheered me up while depressing me extremely by the thought that maybe directing isn’t for me. But if it isn’t, what is? Will I be stuck in a cubicle forever!? I have nothing against cubicles, in fact, I would like one just to decorate, but cubicle definitely loses in cubicle vs. directing wars.
People expect that I’m blinded by the glamour of such a career. I know it’s not glamorous, and I’ve already arranged for Sushi to bring me sandwiches daily when she stops at Union Station to get to her psychology clinic. Knowing her, I’ll probably starve. Hopefully, her superhero child will save me, and we’ll eat chicken not of the sea by the sea. “…Mr. Todd, that’s the life I covet, by the sea Mr. Todd, oh, I know you’ll love it.”
I know directors work very very hard, and I know that you have to be knowledgeable in every aspect of filmmaking. I’m not an ignorant kid who just wants fame; if I wanted that I would be aspiring to be an actor. Or the nanny of Johnny Depp’s children and get in the news by stalking and attacking Oprah at random intervals. Of course I wouldn’t hurt Johnny Depp’s children, his son sings the “Pop-eye” theme song so well. Almost as well as Jean-Baptiste Maunier sings “Au nuuuuuiiiiiiiiit…”
After the class Angela brought up a fantastico idea. Tee hee, I can’t wait – although the self-appointed leaders of our class might destroy it and it would die of being so ugly and horrific. In such a case, I would present it to Oprah and try getting a car out of pity. I say “self-appointed” because even though we had elections, they are sort of one entity, aren’t they? And then, on the side, are the dorks and geeks and nerds. I’m on the side. Hence my many failures at winning school elections. Although, that’s good stuff to use when they ask me how I learned from failure.
Let me talk about Sushi’s future wonder-child. And then perhaps I will rant passive aggressively about a certain man in our class – okay, several. Sushi’s wonder-child will have all the traits of her ex-boyfriends. What can I say, she gets around – and in my life as Edward, I know to expect crazy spawn. Heck, my own child tried to claw its way out of Bella’s belly. Say that ten times fast. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Bella’s belly. Who’s to say Sushi’s kid hasn’t been waiting to be fertilized by EVERY one of her mother’s…encounters…imagine it. Intense eyeballs and facial muscles like Chiranjeevi, charismatically lethal like James B0nd, a toupee and hand twitch like Donald Trump, the night janitor’s love of Blondie, Mr. Gibb’s glorious sideburns, and Uday’s magnificent nose. When Sushi finally settles down, her husband will ask, “What? Those aren’t my intense eyeballs!” and their marriage will be destroyed in ruins. But Sushi will rise up like a phoenix and soar to become the most independent woman the world has ever known.
The Men’s Wearhouse. I guarrantee it.
This episode of “Buster in Tokyo” has been brought to you by: viewers like you. Thank you.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: car, Christmas, Christmas carol, Eloise, free, French, library, oprah, purple, study group, t-rex
I think…this is one of my favorite Christmas carols. Probably because I watched “Eloise” so many times. Poor girl, her mother was that lady in the big fur coat who never really appeared.
Just the idea of being near a fireplace while the weather outside is, well, frightful. That’s freaking awesome.
Also, today I saw a purple car. Thinking back, I realize I’ve seen it before. That means someone in this tiny ville lives with a purple car. That means I could totally steal it.
Today was the French study group thingy, and I must say, it worked out pretty well. Twas kinda eery, however, how much it resembled those rendezvous in the French II book.
Oh la la! J’ai un rendezvous avec David dans vingt minute!
But. We got more done than expected, even though we made two trips for food.
I can see why the young French go out in packs now. It’s a whole much less awkward than a date.
And I know it seems like I’m implying that the six of us had a date today, but it was anything but.
DIEEEEEEEEEEE.
Gah. At least I realized finally that you can get rid of math and science in senior year. Huzzah! Except my dad, as I predicted, said no. Boo. Whatever, I still need time to think about it. It is, a hugemungous choice.
Wow. For all I did today I have nothing to write about.
Well, first we sat down at these huge tables but there was an Indian guy and this other dude on either side. After a few minutes of talking about teacher encounters, the Indian guy looks up and goes, “Excuse me. Could you please slow down? Shh. I’m trying to read here.” Oh. Insert Indian accent there. Finally we realized that we couldn’t have our study group there so we all left. But I, being stealthy, passive aggressively pissed him off by slowly and loudly packing up my things.
Ah, passive aggressiveness. How I love thee.
Thus, we demenaged to the children’s section and made t-rex jokes. Did you know that Oprah is hiding in its ribcage? Where’s my free car?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Abraham Lincoln, american accent, Arizona Dream, art, At Worlds End, barbeque, beaver documentary, birthday, blueprints, cat puke, color, documentary, ellen, Erase, famous people, fangirl, Freddie Highmore, free stuff, game, interiro design, Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp, mating seagulls, Mika, Miley Cyrus, Nntesh, oprah, Orlando Bloom, paint, pretty rooms, purple, rapper, Rayban, redecorate, singer, Six Degrees, stealthy, sunglasses, ugly pictures, Wicked Witch of the West
I have no ugly pictures because I’ve recently fallen back in love with interior design. Confession: when I was in sixth grade I drew blueprints for fun. And I loved to imagine redecorating my room.
The problem was that we didn’t own our own house so I could never paint my walls. Never mind that, I didn’t know what color to paint my walls. In elementary, I was still just wandering around without a favorite movie (Arizona Dream), singer (Mika), or color (purpluh.). Now I kind of know who I am.
Instead, I have now a large collection of pretty rooms. And no awesome art to display today. Unfortunate.
I’ll now go scavenging for awesome stuff to blog about. Huzzah. It’s nice though, that this will no longer be just my life thrown up into a toilet bowl and served to the world.
PS. My sister changed the wallpaper to tiled pictures of Abraham Lincoln. And she warned me, but I desperately had to use the computer. DIEEEEEE. It was like the Wicked Witch of the West and water.
Fail. My scavenge was a disaster. Anyway, I’m trying to come up with cheap birthday ideas. Remember, I’m aiming for a six degrees of Grapes kind of thing. So that I can huzzah everywhere I turn. Huzzah. Silence, naysayers who bring up that my birthday is 8ish months away. It does take me this long, because if not, it will be a fail. Who knows, it might still be a fail.
Inspiration! listaddicts at blogspot posted about the famous people she would like to invite to a bbq. Huzzah? Yes.
1. Mika – can you imagine how crazy things would get? Also, Miya and I could wail “Erase” with him. Like in my dream.
2. Johnny Depp – because my ex-obsession still obligates me to include him in everything.
3. Orlando Bloom – so we can throw him in a corner, pointing and laughing. Or maybe, someone will mistake him for a steak and cook him, since he looks like a cow. That’s what he gets for freeing Jack from the fire the stupid way in my “At Worlds End” game. Agh, we shouldn’t be so hard on him. He’s not so bad – not like Miley Cyrus. Shun.
4. Nntesh – because he is best singer/rapper there is. And Angela and I could fangirl and get free merchandise.
5. Oprah/Ellen – because. Free stuff.
6. That guy from the bird documentary – Because he’s got the ability to recite documentary spiel while sitting next to two mating seagulls.
7. The cast of the beaver documentary – STEALTHY.
8. Freddie Highmore – so that we can finally get him an American accent. Although he and Johnny Depp might group together and shun the rest of us.
I went slightly overboard, but only having 3 people would be kind of a bummer party. Wow. I’m kind of picky.
But wait! This post isn’t over yet.
I know I’m kind of slow on a lot of things so this might be old to some of you.
Rayban glasses (Johnny Depp sunglasses in my book) now can be colored by yourself! They send you blank ones that you color in and huzzah omg. Regarde.
No more will there be dilemna between red (Mika) purple (because it is huzzah) or animal print (Johnny Depp). Knowing me, I will never get these, and two, if I did, I would screw them up.
Man: Hey Grapes, nice sunglasses.
Grapes: Thanks.
Man: Shame your indigestive cat got to them.
Poop. Next post: kids shows adults can enjoy. And no, it’s not sesame street with its references and “preschool musical”. Shun. Also, the unveiling of my newest favorite kids show, discovered this morning during a bout of severe laziness.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Alice in Wonderland, Big Fish, Billy Crudup, Book of Happiness, Costco, cramps, dad, dentist, digestion, Doodleworks, everything, facial hair, fear, free stuff, freshman, God, Golden Globes, happiness, independent women, J. Edgar Hoover, Johnny Depp, link, lost soul, Mad Hatter, mad hatter picture, Mika, movie, Norther Winslow, numb, obese celebrities, oprah, outfit, Pirates of the Caribbean, PMS, Public Enemies, resistance, script, shun, silver lining, sing, Six Degrees, spoilers, stealthy, stomachache, strong, Sweeney Todd, Tim Burton, trailer, tuxedo, weak, Youtube
I came home today from the first trek to Costco I’ve made in forever and at my sister’s request opened up Youtube. It feels like I’m back to 3 AM the night the Sweeney Todd trailer came out, but much less exciting, and I doubt my insane happiness will last three months this time because it’s only a picture and not the first time I’ve heard Johnny Depp sing. But I still made weird noises for a minute.
May I present the Mad Hatter from Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland”. (it’s so AWEsome it gets a frilly introduction and a PotC reference)
I hope you are as freaked out as I am. This would go on my Wall of Fear, if I was ever stupid enough to make one. Maybe between Abe Lincoln and a Doodleworks cast picture. And Johnny Depp’s beard from the Golden Globes two years ago (when he wore the red shirt under the jacket and the red hankerchief and my dad basically shunned his outfit. And I was sad until the end of 9th grade when I realized the beard freaked me out and that something had gone wrong in my mind when Johnny Depp’s facial hair freaked me out. I must have seen too many of those “obese celebrities” pictures because they really like to use the picture from that year’s Golden Globes.)
I don’t think this happiness will last three months, however, because I suspect I’m PMSing right now and the excitement of the picture would die by the time I was done PMSing.
I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to have cramps and a bad stomachache (digestion-caused) at the same time. Note to God: This does not mean that I would like to try it out.
I’m about to encounter spoilers for “Public Enemies”. I thought I would resist, but I was too weak. So I clicked the link, read the beginning, and now I’m not sure what to do.
Oh my gosh! Billy Crudup is J. Edgar Hoover. Six degrees to Big Fish – Norther Winslow – dentist – EVERYTHING.
…I read it. I feel like I’ve lost a part of my soul. Haha. Actually I feel kind of numb. I’m not sure whether I killed the movie or not…the impact may hit a few minutes later. It wasn’t like Sweeney Todd, where I read an early script and read too far.
I also skimmed through Oprah’s new “Book of Happiness”, stealthily, of course. There were a lot of old, strong, independent women in it. Tee hee. I did not buy, it of course. If I went on Oprah’s show she would give it to me for free. The silver lining in everything is that the worse it is, the likelier Oprah will invite you on her show and give you free stuff.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: alliteration, ariel, arieldepp, beach house, cirque du freak, ellen, halloween, Jack Sparrow, oprah, Pirates of the Caribbean, purple, Six Degrees, tights, vanilla mint ice cream, yahoo
http://startwearingpurple.yahoo.com/
HUZZAH. HEAVEN.
ALLITERATION.
This seems like the perfect opportunity to whip out the purple tights. Amanda and I have purple tights that are the only two in the world to protect from vanilla mint ice cream (thus inspired by my chapstick, currently a.w.o.l.)
We are the only two that have them, all others are imposters, much like Jack Sparrow imposters who kiss ariel to fuel arieldepp’s happiness. They make us immune to the poisonous vanilla mint ice cream we will create. In the end, our acclaim will allow us to go onto various talk shows, namely Oprah and Ellen, to get free stuff. Ellen gives more free stuff, but we are terrified of dancing. See: Halloween Dance 2007 - Cirque Du Freak. You should be terrified of us dancing. The government is currently handing out free visors in the event of such an emergency.
Anyways, we’ll probably retire with a successfully nontoxic vat of vanilla mint ice cream at our beach house. By the way, Keira Knightley loved her beach house when she filmed PotC. Just thought I’d throw that out there as a reference. You know me, six degrees always churning in my head.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: angry asian man, ass, birthday, comment, directing, Ernest, failure, film, Gandhi, happy, inspiration, Meryl Streep, oprah, party, PMS, post, preproduction, script, sixth grade, spam, The Devil Wears Prada
I was going to be a butt and not post, but that’s when I received the awesome, heart-felt comment in my inbox. If it wasn’t heart-felt, then I am a real poop, but I won’t care. It’s more about how things affect you than how they were intended.
At this rate, I’ll become Gandhi and spend my whole life spewing quotable inspiration while sitting on a bamboo mat and not eating. Although starving myself would not help my goal to become Oprah.
It is pretty sad that I’ve had to approve spam comments in the past to keep myself happy, but that only makes the one real comment even more awesome. Much more awesome – sorry, I couldn’t control myself.
Thanks so much, MUSICizmyLIFE.
I have just been surrounded in a bubble of happiness. Expect the monthly broadcast of grouchy to return in a few weeks. That’s being a woman for you.
Miya – I dare you not to say anything about that last sentence.
Ernest’s birthday is coming up, and yes, I am really planning a party for my paper bag. We were thinking a pool party. Don’t laugh, it’s his lifelong dream.
Also, I believe we are now in preproduction of my angry asian man script. I’ve found that the best way to pitch this story is by saying that it’s about first impressions rather than an angry asian man. Sounds much more poetic. I’m so excited, and determined not to make this like my old sixth grade attempts at making movies. Of course, that was sixth grade, and I was more excited about acting like a film set than making the film. And yes, this statement could come back and kick me in the ass. It’s not a hard target.
That is all, as Meryl Streep said in “The Devil Wears Prada”. Huzzah.